DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
