HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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