I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
