You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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