How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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