i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
