My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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