This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
