she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
She even gives head with a lisp.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
