He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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