I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
