just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize