i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Randomize
