Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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