You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
