KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
