your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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