I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
