Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize