I skipped work to stalk him.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
