You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
