at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
