Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
