im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
