Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
