You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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