After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
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