i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
