i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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