Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
