He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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