Who did Billy Mays play for?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
