sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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