At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Found the puke drawer
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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