$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
