Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
