the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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