all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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