new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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