you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
