Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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