K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
