ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
