i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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