there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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