"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
