last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
