a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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