You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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