you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
