I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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