Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
