He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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