i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So vagazzling was a success
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
