Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
