just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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