Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
