just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We need to get me chipped asap
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
