i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
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