Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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