I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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