Do you still have your period?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
