Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
