On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
