Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
