How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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