Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
