i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
