you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
