help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
