textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
