Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
