Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
