Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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