Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
