oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize