dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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