How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
