I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
