video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize