who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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