so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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