Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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