i think my tv is drunk
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
