you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
