i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She bit a glass in half.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
