We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
