Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Non-Jews are for practice
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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