Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
