In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
