we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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