I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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