I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
