I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
