I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i love accidental penises.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
