I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
