Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
