he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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