Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
