Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
