i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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