Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
