fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
