WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
