he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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