Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
