im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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