We won't sleep together?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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