I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
