I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
