Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
