well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
