There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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